Denaiza's Diary
by FireDitto
Summary: Denaiza is a very young when she realises she has something no one else does, and these Diary Entries are her thoughts, her feelings, as she comes to terms with how her life is changing.
1. Disclaimer & Explaination

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Pern, or anything in relation to the world that Anne McCaffrey created. I am simply writing within it.

Tyrus – Belongs to his RPer on Dragon's Honor

Lukiran – Belongs to his RPer on Dragon's Honor

Daomihe and Domyth – Belong to their RPer on Dragon's Honor

**Explanation of 'Denaiza's Diary':**

Denaiza is a 15 Turn old female character that I crated for a DRoP RP forum. The following chapters are a diary about how the girl coped with coming into an ability that few Pernese obtain – the ability to Hear All Dragons, or HAD. Since Anne McCaffrey has never explained how her characters – Such as Lessa – gained their ability, or how they coped with it growing up, everything found within Denaiza's diary entries is completely of my making and whether or not it is true I wouldn't have the faintest idea.

In on of Denaiza's diary accounts, she refers to her abilities in accordance to Moreta, I realise that Moreta could not hear all dragons, but within Dragonflight (I think) Lessa and F'lar refer to the gold rider as having the HAD ability. I am going to leave Dena's comment as such, for I believe that 'Moreta's Ride' was created to make the woman out as more than she was – perhaps claiming her as a HAD added a touch of spice to the song, I don't know, but I do know that Moreta didn't go _between_ on her own dragon as proclaimed within the song, so I don't see why they couldn't call her a HAD if they so wished.

How would anyone know Turns later, anyway?


	2. Entry One

**Entry One:**

_Something happened today, something strange. Something not quite right. But something so totally correct that it makes me feel fuzzy. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I'm six, I can write it out how I like. I'm just glad I _can_ write. Mummy is a Harper, so I am probably a little more intellectually talented than others my age. After all, I can actually spell the word "intellect". But that is not what I'm talking about! That is pointless jabber of a mind wandering child who is older than her years._

Perhaps that is why it happened today? I do not know, but I do know that what happened was both oh-so-right and so totally wrong that I fear punishment should someone come across such a secret as I now hide. Perhaps writing it down is not an intelligent thing to do, but this little book is well hidden and I fear that I will loose my mind if I do not share it with someone, some how... Writing is the safest. Perhaps if it becomes a risk I can destroy the page? However, I need not fear, I think.

I think my hearing is leaving me, or some such. I am not sure why, or how. I do not remember hitting my head, falling or filling my ears with gunk, but there is a senseless buzzing filling my mind constantly, and I cannot hear the speech of my friends over it, I cannot hear my mother singing or playing her harp. I can hear nothing but a mind-numbing array of fuzzing. Sometimes it is so loud that I have to block my ears, it gives me a headache. I cry from it, but it does nothing to help. I fear I will not ever gain the chance to Impress. What dragon would want a Rider that can't hear a human? How would I hear a dragon? I so wish to Impress!! Imagine! A dragon all mine! Daddy has a dragon, a brown, I remember him. It is vague and slightly unsettling to think that my father was a Rider, but I see him on the corner of my memory when I focus upon something else...

Oh! The fuzzing sounds are back! I cannot stand this! I wish for it to go away, and yet, I fear to seek the help of the Healers. I do not like Tyrus at all, he is evil of Thread in the body of a human, I am sure. He will laugh at me, or something... I fear that man more than the Thread eating me alive.

- Denaiza, 6 Turns of age.


	3. Entry Two

_**Entry Two:**_

Something is so wrong that it frightens me, something so not right that it causes my heart to freeze over. I has been almost a Turn since I first heard the beginnings of fuzz on my ears, heard the constant barrage that would have me spilling tears for unaccounted hours, would leave me exhausted and carrying nothing but the continued buzz of something not quite understandable and a migraine of such proportions that I could not utter a word for I would be sure my skull would crack.

I am still fearful, but not so much, now. Sometimes, occasionally, I can hear a word or two out of the crackling of static that fills my ears. I have yet to go to the Healers – that same fear of Tyrus has only increased over the years - and I feel no desire to go to him for help. Perhaps I am simply a weakling who is scared of the boogieman, but I will swear to you, that man is worse than Thread, with a bite more likely to scar than the silver trails that fall so regularly from the sky. I will not seek his help, more fool me, but or will I go to his assistants. They would speak with him about me, I know. I hate to imagine what would be said about the girl that heard constant static filling her ears. I do not wish to go there, and thus, I ignore the healers and the possibility of their help.

My Turnday is just around the corner, I know, for it will signal that over one year have I been hearing this fuzz. I am of half a mind to have Enchanth – my older sister's brown – drop me between_ and be done with it. I would no longer hear the fuzzy sounds then, I would no longer have a skull prepared to crack, or hear random quotes that have my friends staring at me in shock or confusion. I cannot handle what the world is throwing at me at the moment, and I am so young! How will I ever hope to cope in the so many years to come? Is there a way to be lost _between_ without causing too much hassle?_

These are not healthy thoughts. I must go now. I hear mother calling for me. I am to show the younger children how to beat a drum.

- Denaiza, almost 7 Turns of age.


	4. Entry Three

_**Entry Three:**_

Throw me between_ and leave me there to freeze! I cried today. I have been crying so much lately, that this is hardly a surprise, but today something wondrous happened. Today, I was freed from the plague of continual fuzzing harassment that has plagued me since the date of my sixth Turnday, or there abouts. I am, upon this day, of Eight Turns. I was gifted with a firelizard egg from my sister and her brown dragon, Enchanth. I am sure the gift was to bring me back out of my shell, for I have retreated somewhat unhealthily into the background of the Weyr. I no longer pull pranks, or laugh and make trouble; I hide, I am shy, I am withdrawn. I do not like being this way, I will admit that, to myself at least, but I see no other choice. For two years I have been plagued with a mindless static that sends me insane, sends me hysterical. I do not even remember my friends names anymore, or if they wish for me to call them as such. Possibly not, or as such I would remember their names and not have to stretch a memory clogged with static to find a hint of their past faces. Some of them were fostered out, some Impress – being older than myself – and some are still around here. I doubt I would recognise them, even if I did see them._

Thus has the fuzzy, ear clogging insanity ruined my life.

But today, something happened! Something wondrous that had me crying from sheer joy, rather than an insane desire to die. Today, it was peaceful, today it was silent. I was in bliss.

For my birthday, my mother had taken me down to the Harper Hall, where she showed me everything within. I have not seen such a wondrous place in all my times. There were people so much older than me, of course, and so much better trained! Here, I had thought I was quite the little Harper, let me tell you, but I guess that just tells me not to get my head too big, or my nose too high. There is always someone better than you, and you should always remember that.

I thank mother for taking me to the Hall. We will be spending a week here before returning to the Weyr with a couple of Journeymen and women. I am hoping that they will not mind teaching an Eight Turn Old a few new song on our ride back. We are to ride the Runner Beasts, rather than a-dragonback, since my sister, who brought us to the Hall, is busy and cannot relay us. It will take three days on RunnerBack to reach the Weyr, which will be the perfect time to learn new songs.

I hope my firelizard egg is not damaged upon the trip. I would so love a small companion!

- Denaiza, 8 Turns of age.


	5. Entry Four

_**Entry Four:**_

ITS BACK – It came back to me, that relentless fuzzing noise. But this time, it is different. We were on the boarder of the Weyr. There was a wing Sweepriding off to the East. As is usual, we all waved to the dragons and their riders before continuing. The Harpers were talking amongst themselves, and I was left forgotten once more. That is fine, for my egg had Hatched the day before, and I was busy stuffing little meat globs down the throat of my recently awoken firelizard, whom has been appropriately named "Sapphire" since that is the colour of his pretty hide; yes, he is a blue. I already love him dearly, and if this is even a millionth of what it is like to be Impressed to a dragon, than I am deeply depressed that my hearing my dash such a dream. However, mother is a great Harper, I guess, and I have talent, should a dream of dragonriding be unattainable.

I will survive. But I was speaking of how it changed, and thus I must get back onto topic. I have the mind of a scatter brained green on heat!

It started up as we entered the Weyr boundaries, moving past the Sweep riders and their beasts, and back towards the Weyrbowl. I almost cried in simple and utter pity for myself. I contined myself, contained my emotions. I have a baby firelizard to think about now, and I have no desire to send little Saph away simply because I am so emotional about the relentless fuzzy sounds the fill my head.

But fuzzy isn't right, not any more. Now, it is more like I catch the sounds of phrases, the soft mutterings of comments, the whispers of secrets not meant for my ears. I don't know how else to explain it, not even to myself. It is no longer as annoying as it once was, but now it is interesting, intriguing, and I strain to hear more, to understand what is being said, why it is being said.

**!! Who is saying it !!**__

Perhaps I will find the answer, or perhaps I am simply going insane from some sort of disease that will sweep me away to the frozen bliss of Between__

- Denaiza, 8 Turns of age.


	6. Entry Five

_**Entry Five:**_

You ever heard those sayings where people say they woke up and suddenly everything clicked? Yeah, well, I did that. I woke up this morning, and I just knew, something just clicked, and I realised what's been going on. Mother had sung and old song the other night, one about Moreta and her great ride. I remember something important from that song, or story that was sung. Something that, I now know, applies to me.

Moreta could speak to all and every dragon within the Weyr and those around the world of Pern.

So can I.

I don't know that I can put it any other way, honestly. It's a strange thing to wake up and realise that you have something no one else has, or if they do, they have yet to stand up and say "yo, I hear dragons" – I most certainly am not going to say anything. I am eight and a half Turns old, and I do not want to be swamped by angry Dragonriders, Weyrleaders and Weyrfolk. I do not want to be blamed for something I cannot control. This will be my secret, something I will not share. Those dragons that I have already spoken with have agreed to keep it a secret for me. I think they know my fear, just as I know that they think me ridiculous. I do not care. I do not wish to alert the world to what I can hear. Imagine the trouble I would get in! Knowing half the secrets of half the world, for I can hear almost every word uttered by a dragon mind; I am going to learn how to block thoughts; Enchanth has promised to teach me. I have never been so grateful that my sister Impressed a brown dragon.

May Faranth bless Enchnath!

- Denaiza – 8 ½ Turns Old.


	7. Entry Six

_**Entry Six:**_

Oh, I feel simply awful. Today was not a day that I wish to go through again, and yet, I have no doubt at all that it will be the first of many, many more than I wish to experience. I have found yet another curse of this so called gift. Why is it that Moreta told not of her experiences with such things as the flight of a proddy green!?

I am Nine Turns now. I feel dirty. Should I? Once again I have come across something that I cannot control, and though I am not the most controlling of people, it bothers me. I think my luck, and the memory of Faranth that I was within my own room when the green gave that ear splitting scream and took to the skies. I think the great golden Faranth that my door was locked. I thank her yet again that I lost consciousness when the green was caught. But still, I remember feelings that I am sure one of my age should not be privy to. It disturbs me greatly.

I know that Greens have flown often since I was six, that first day that the world of dragon voices began as a horrible buzz within my ears, but this is the first to effect me. I am not sure why, but I believe it is because I have spoken to the green in question, and as such my mind was linked that much closer to her. Or perhaps it is simply because I am now nine, and though I am yet to enter the section of my life known as 'puberty' I am in no way as immature as my age-mates. I am probably a lot more mature than a lot of girls older than myself. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I guess it doesn't really matter, since there isn't all that much that I can do about it is there?

I spoke to Navinkath after her flight. She said that she was greatly honoured that I accompanied her and Hers in the experience. I told her about how I felt, and she said that it was simply because I am a Hatchling, and she will talk to the other greens. Nivinkath contacted me a short while ago. She says that the other greens will refrain from sharing their Flights with me. I am more grateful than I can ever explain, though I have promised that when I am older, I will accompany Navinkath on a flight, and I will find myself a partner with which to experience it with. She says she would be most honoured.

Why would my accompaniment honour her? I am confused by this, but she refused to explain, or perhaps she could not.

- Denaiza – 9 Turns Old.


	8. Entry Seven

_**Entry Seven:**_

I was discovered this day. My abilities were revealed. I am not sure what I think about this, at the moment. The one that figured it out – Lukiran – said that he would not tell of my secret. I think I can trust him, but I am somewhat unsure still. I have not told anyone about the way I can heard dragon's speaking – I didn't even tell Lukiran – through our speaking I made too many comments, and he linked them together. He asked me, and though I lied he saw through it. Again, I think I can trust him, but I am wary. I have not been able to classify a human as a friend since I was a mere six turns old, and I am well into my tenth Turn now. I hope that he does not betray me.

Thus far, he has not acted like the other boys of the Weyr. Lukiran is 15; five turns my elder. I was expecting him to drag me back to the Weyr by the ear when he dropped out of the tree before me. I was very stand-off-ish. I don't know why he didn't drag me off. I don't think its in his nature, honestly, but again, I've only known him for a few hours – perhaps a day, if one wished to put I that way – and trust is not something that should be given away so easily. Navinkath is happy that I have a human companion that knows my secret. I think she believes Lukiran is my partner or some such… Thoughts such as those make my face feel heated. I have known the boy for a day and the dragons are already whispering about me! Honestly, greens really have nothing better to do than worry about their next flight and gossip about their fellows. They are greatly amusing, however.

We spoke of Impression today, Lukiran and I. He made a comment (which I stupidly told to Navinkath, which only made her believe more so that Lukiran is my weyrmate… Silly beast) about his wanting to Impress a bronze for my queen – apparently I am to Impress Gold, according to Luki. I do not know if he would have thought I should Impress a gold before he knew about my abilities – I guess it doesn't really matter now, does it? – but it made me laugh. Why should I have my hopes set on a Gold only to have them crushed, when he dares not set his upon a Bronze for the same reasons? He does not wish to be disappointed by Impressing a blue.

I do not think Lukiran has the personality of a Blue rider. They are much more dreary than Luki, and he would not ride well upon the hide of blue. I cannot see him on a green either. He does not strike me as the type to look to other males for companionship – after talking today in the woods, I am sure he has a crush upon one of the girls he mentioned. (Navinkath was not impressed by this tibit of information, hehe)

I feel much pity for Lukiran, being the subject of a green dragon's plotting. I hope that we do not end up in such a situation. Not just for my sake. I would hate to think what the Weyr would say about such a thing should they find out! The talk this place already has going is bad enough; remembering that I hear both draconic and human versions; it is a clash between amusing and deeply disturbing.

I have promised to introduce Lukiran to my sister Rahyvehn's Brown Enchanth. Navinkath was not happy that she would not meet him, but like I told Luki, and then Navinkath, it would be less suspicious for me to be seen introducing my new friend to my sister's dragon than to a stranger's green (since I have not met Navinkath's rider. She is a slim woman, of medium height, with mousy brown hair. She has green eyes and an easy smile. I have watched her from afar. She seems likable enough, a bit like Rahyvehn but with that 'Green Rider Sparkle' that denotes one who is found as often under the blankets as she is fighting Thread, if not more so. I am starting to hope I Impress to a Brown dragon, should I be lucky enough to do so. I have too much attitude for a Blue, I think, and a green would be torment. Not only my own green's flights, but every other Green's in the Weyr as well? I think I would go insane.

I dare not hope to Impress a gold, and as such am left with only a brown. I guess the future will reveal itself when I stand upon the Sands.)

- Denaiza – 10 Turns Old.


	9. Entry Eight

_**Entry Eight:**_

Green Harloth flew today. The silly green was so caught up in her lust that she didn't block her mental bonds with myself. I was caught up in the flight, shardit all. Because I was expecting the Green to sever the bonds for the Flight, I was out in the Weyr bowl with my little nephew, Karavi – Rahyvehn and Enchanth were participating in Harloth's Flight – Karavi is Rahyvhen's new (and only) son. He is a few months old now, and a beautiful baby. I adore him. He is quite, for now, but something tells me he is going to be clash between terribly naughty and an innocent angel. His father is the Bronze Rider, D'rock. His dragon is called Triloth. I haven't spoken to him much, so have little to say upon the beast. I believe that the pair are good, and I think that D'rock will play his part in little Karavi's life, but that is not why I have created this entry.

As I started by saying, Green Harloth did not block me out of her Flight Emotions, and since I was out in the Weyrbowl, and she was over the top of it, I got caught in the brunt of it all. It was not pleasant, especially since just before Harloth took to the skies, the Headwoman decided to berate me for not doing chores. I was doing a chore; I was watching over my nephew. Silly woman. Anyway, when Harloth took to the skies I was forced to accompany her. My ability to block out draconic conversations and emotions has greatly grown since I was young, but as I explained to Lukiran that day in the woods, it is like being in the middle of a Gather – there are hundreds of people (or dragons, in my case) all speaking at once, and it is so hard to hear everything else – but after a while, you learn to tune them out a little and only listen in to the bits you want or are of interest. However, no matter how good I have become, when a Green forgets to block me from her mind, there is nothing I can do but go along for the ride.

So, there I was, about to be exploited by the Headwoman, a tiny child beside me and my firelizard Saph trying to defend me. I do not think the Headwoman would have used my lusty mind for herself, but I do know that I don't want to know what she would have done with me. Did that even make sense? Well, too bad if it didn't.

So, anyway, Lukiran showed up. I'm not really sure on all the details from my own point of view, but Lukiran said that he managed to get me and little Karavi to my own room, and that I passed out shortly afterwards. I am thankful for that, since I am not sure I like Lukiran in such a way that I would wish to experience a Dragonflight with him. That is nothing against Lukiran in such a manner, mostly it is simply because I am not yet of such a maturity (mostly in a physical manner) to enjoy such an act. I do not think Lukiran would have been comfortable with such a thing, either. He is only five Turns older than myself, but at our current ages – ten and fifteen – five Turns is a great gap. Perhaps if we were twenty-five and thirty it would not be such an issue, but we are not.

It matters little, anyway.

- Denaiza – 10 Turns Old.


	10. Entry Nine

_**Entry Nine:**_

I don't know what Rahyvehn is trying to prove. I think she is irritated – or at least suspicious – about finding Lukiran with me in my room that day after Harloth's flight. It must have looked a little odd, coming in to find her son asleep on the floor, a boy five years my seniour (and man grown) sitting a little off to one side, and me unconscious in my bed. Yes, I would be a little wary myself, but I know Lukiran would not do me harm. I can say that I trust him now, and I am proud of this fact. I hope that he finds me as good a friend as I hold him.

But whether that is the reason or not, Rahyvehn has arranged for me to be fostered at a Hold with a couple and their children. Rahyvehn will not go into details for me, nor will Enchanth. It is making me want to send them both between_ to freeze for all years. The likely hood of that happening is not very high, and so I will have to satisfy myself with cursing them under my breath. Navinkath is of no help either; I asked her to find out what she could from Enchanth by seducing him – greens are very good at that – but he saw through the pair of us and told us to go _between_. Navinkath is now not speaking to me._

- Denaiza – Almost 11 Turns Old.


	11. Entry Ten

**Entry Ten:**

_Happy Turnday To Me…_

Its hard to express sarcasm across ink, but incase you missed it – that there, that was sarcasm at its best. I am eleven Turns this day. Why am I not happy about this? Well, probably because Rahyvehn saw fit to use this day of my birth eleven Turns ago to announce that I was going to the hold.  
Today.

Joy to me – watch me bound around with oozing enthusiasm (yes, more sarcasm). I told her I wasn't going and that there was nothing she could do to change my mind. In the end, it wasn't her that got me to go. It was Enchanth. He threatened to tell Rahyvehn that I could talk to any dragon (not just him, as she believes, since I talk to Enchanth a lot). Of course, I couldn't have him do that, and so I conceded. There were several disgruntled greens that will not be letting Enchanth catch them for a while, since I had promised several of them that I would start re-joining them in Flight within the next Turn or so; all of us assumed that I would be gone for said 'Turn or so' and thus I hope Enchanth fails in every flight he enters.

Why should he be allowed to Fly when I am deprived of the experience I am finally mature enough to attend? Well, almost mature enough. I think that given maybe a Turn and a half, I will be physically mature for such things as that. I don't know that I'll actually go along with it, but my body won't be screaming 'child' towards my partner anymore.

Perhaps that is why Rahyvehn is sending me to this hold?

- Denaiza – 11 Turns Old.


	12. Entry Eleven

_**Entry Eleven:**_

To say that I am unhappy with the way things have turned out would be putting it mildly. I am not usually and ungrateful child, but there are some points in time when one just needs to draw the line, no? Well, today I met my limits.

Rahyvehn and Enchanth dropped me off at the Hold this day – my 11th Turnday (It is near sun-down today, and my previous entry was of this morning before we left) I have met my new family, and though my foster parents are nice, they have far too many children. There are eight of us within this small building!  
Nine, if you count Sapphire.

The other children are aged as thus, in order of oldest to youngest:  
Iforgothisname - 17 turns  
Iforgother'stoo – 14 turns  
Nikky – 11 Turns  
Me – 11 Turns  
She'salittlebrat – 7 Turns  
He'salittlesnot – 5 Turns

Nikky is my own age, as seen above, perhaps three months my elder. She is nice; if somewhat withdrawn and very rank conscious. These Holders are very odd people, really. I don't understand the way they function. Not everything is different than the Weyr, but a lot of it is. It is very odd, and although Nikky has promised to help me get used to it all, I don't know that I want_ to. Yes, I'm being stubborn, but one needs to remember that I have had free run of the Weyr since I was just a wee thing; my mind feels empty from the lack of dragontalk, and I fear that I will now go insane from the sheer quietness._

Yes, I remember when I once prayed to the First Egg for such silence, but I truly miss my friends; I am not speaking to Enchanth because of his threat, and Navinkath is still ignoring me – but I miss the others. Sapphire is my only form of comfort from the Weyr, and he is great, but even my own little blue bonded simply doesn't have the flair of a dragon's speech.

Wher's leave a lot to be desired for, as well; Nipinsk is a blue, and he is the most dull-witted creature I have ever come across. Besides, I can't spend time talking to the creature; I am not that stupid – Nipinsk would betray me without meaning to, and I don't wish to be discovered.

Not now, not ever.

- Denaiza – 11 Turns Old.


	13. Entry Twelve

_**Entry Twelve:**_

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT BROWN RIDING WHORE!!!!!!!!! Do you know what she has done to me!? That horrible, evil creature that is my blood relation has dumped me at this hold for FIVE TURNS.

I WILL BE FIFTEEN BEFORE I GET TO GO HOME – Augh! How dare she do this to me?! How dare she?! Does she not wish for me to ride a dragon of my own? Does she simply wish to send me insane? It has been two days TWO DAYS and already I feel as if my head is empty – I miss the constant barrage of dragonvoices. I miss the steady thrum of their vocalizations. I miss the scream of a rising green. I miss the gossip of board riders. I miss the silly games and pranks that are played upon one another. Agh! I can't believe this!

Nikky doesn't understand why I'm so upset. Silly girl. I would throatle her, but I don't think it would get me back to the Weyr any time soon – probably just dropped between_ and left to freeze for all eternity. Blah. Sapphire is as disgruntled as myself; he's already bitten my foster-father twice, hissed at both my older 'siblings' and scratched the little brat. Haha. Serves them right. Fancy taking me on for five turns._

They will regret this. All of them!

- Denaiza – 11 Turns Old.


End file.
